I sat down with one of those WebMD diet calculation programs and ran what Jane and I eat, daily. It throws a snit fit if you don’t admit to a snack: wrong. We don’t. Period. So it made me say we have a fruit snack when we, in fact, have nada, zip, NOTHING. We have one boiled egg at breakfast, a cup of granola with low carb, lowfat, or synthetic milk at noon, I may or may not have one skinny no-sugar latte, depending on whether I’m skating or gardening, Jane has only water, and we have typically, half a head of cabbage, 3 carrots and a single 2″ potato for supper. Sometimes Jane has a cocktail. Sometimes I have wine, say 2-3x a week. Our caloric intake is, are you ready? About 800-1000 depending on the alcohol. The calorie-burning that the same program figures for our specific activities (skating and gardening) is 1900. We can hold our weight steady at our activity level with an 800 calorie intake. No snacks, no desserts. We go off our diet now and again (about once a week) and have (gasp) a hamburger and fries or we split an order of nachos, or we have a french dip with side salad. It makes no difference in our weight, but we will gain a pound if we eat out 2 days running, and in a week we can get it back off under the regimen given above. We split a pizza, oh, once every 3-4 months. We never have hotcakes, no syrup, no desserts, ever! no snacks, no chips, nothing but the damn boiled eggs. We don’t eat out any more. And it makes no difference. We DO not gain weight on this diet, but we do not lose appreciably. Name me reasonable people who can maintain on an 800 calorie diet while skating and working power equipment, shoveling, hand-excavating, and moving 14 yards of dirt. We can. Damn! it’s disheartening. It seems to defy the laws of physics. Or at least physiology. But the fact is—we’ll faint of exhaustion, drenched in sweat, before we start burning fat. Whatever ignites it, we haven’t got.

I’ll be interested to see if it makes ANY difference whatsoever that the endocrinologist has given me one more pill a week.

And if it should, Jane will be in to see him like a shot.