…or should I say, ‘excavation.’

I’ve had a lot of blood tests in my life. I’m cool. I’ve had IV’s. Cool. No problem. Went in for my routine test-check (I take thyroid meds, so they’re mandatory, to check levels—kind of like checking my marine tank chemistry.).

Problem #1, realizing how very important a good baseline test can be (witness Jane’s situation, where we have a multiyear history of tests, and a recent one, which helped a lot)—I just wanted the endocrinologist’s office to run the red blood cell stuff, for anemia, just in case, since I had a childhood history of it. So I call the office. Can’t do it, gotta talk to his nurse. Can’t get her. I leave a very clear message for her about wanting that test. She calls when I’m out, and tells me, yes, my test is in the system. That’s not what I flippin’ asked, but one can hope.

Problem #2: if you’re going to have a cholesterol test, you’re supposed to abstain from food for 12-14 hours prior. Now, I routinely do, in case someone’s flubbed up on telling me.

They flubbed up on telling me. Now I had two people telling me it’s ok to eat because they’d surely tell you. Well, I hedged the deadline by a bit, really crowding the 12 hours. So who knows what they’ll find?

Problem #3: they didn’t have the anemia test, the h&h stuff, authorized. That’s scheduled for February. Thanks. Thanks a lot. So much for communication.

Problem #4: I draw a nice cheery lab tech that ignores my advice to use the left arm, and insists she knows right where a vein is in the right. Now, I’ve had this done so much my veins are chancy, and Miss Knows-it-all jammed the thing in deep, and I think went right through both walls of the vein…we got one good vial, and then—nada. A tiny trickle. It took waaaaaaaaaay long to fill another vial, and she could only get half a vial to finish with. So nice. Then she wraps up my arm and sends me on my way, and when I got the bandage off, I’ve got a bruise that makes me look like a junkie. And it’s sore.

I just can’t wait to get to the doc’s office and find out they drew mostly lymphatic fluid and have to run it all again.