Coming to grips with chemo and change…
I’ve decided to go with the Gandalf look. I had reconciled myself to the Yul Brynner or Zhaan look, but I didn’t lose the hair with chemo. It just went snow-white and brittle. It’s not bad, now that I’m not trying to be Cher. It’s shoulder-length. I think I’ll let it grow and see if I can rock the look. I have a light hat I can wear when the wind’s blowing, so I don’t look like sfx surround me—it’s super light, and doesn’t stay put.
Complexion—well, that’s aged a whole lot. Dropping 40 sudden pounds will do that to you: I am developing…character. That’s my take on it. Always wondered where the lines would go. Not too bad.
Strength: that’s the big one. I don’t have much stamina for standing upright—or for walking very far. Give me an ever-so-slight grade and that stamina evaporates like fog in sunlight. A ramp is harder than stairs, coming or going. But everything works. I’m doing PT to correct some things surgery did—like make it hard to stand straight. I’m gaining on it.
What I don’t want is to miss out on things because of it…and most of all, because Jane, who delayed her hip surgery for two years of misery to take care of me, now has had her surgery and can get out and do things, and I’m keen on it. Party, you say? I’m for it. I’m for craft shows and horse shows and cons and whatever. So I tried the rolling walker, and that’s good on some things—we even went to my first-ever concert. (The Monkees revival.) But—the stamina thing. So, step two, I’m getting a portable powered scooter that will let me get up and go and keep both of us active, so we can get out to cons as they become active again, go to exhibits and events, and so I won’t flag while doing them. It’s a light one, something we can take in the car with little fuss, and will let us both enjoy whatever-event-it-is. Most times I don’t need it. I can get up and sit on a con panel and such—it’s the walk down the long hotel hall to get there that does me in. Or the 2″ rise in that hall that isn’t that visually apparent. I’m still doing PT and pushing the walking as I can. But—if this keeps me active, that’s a plus on a lot of fronts.
So I will be doing public events again. I’m grayer, older, thinner, and using some aids, but it’s what I have to do. It *is* a decision to use the help getting about, and I understand the resistence to saying I need a machine to do it, when maybe on some level I don’t, but hey, like the going-grey thing, it is what is, and with it, I’m able to keep active, so that’s why. Hoping to see many of you at conventions as the circuit picks up steam again, in whatever way it takes.