The lung ailment that followed the fires took its toll on both of us…we’re trying to recover. But the air is clearing and colder, which will help the firefighters. Even our local News station and Dish Network have suspended their contract feud to bring the news channel back on to advise people of evacuations and hazards…kudos to people using their heads and their conscience.
I’m making progress on the book—but some of it consists in sitting and staring while the brain works.
The tank is looking better and testing better, what’s more.
I need a break. But there’s no time to take it. I’d love to take a drive up to Missoula and stay the night. Maybe we could manage one to Pullman, for lunch. Jane and I need to talk over an aspect of the current plot, and a break for lengthy discussion might be good, except the Prius is in recall for a computer issue, and we don’t want to get stranded. *I* need to get my driver’s license renewed. And I stepped on my reading glasses and bent the focus all out of true, while I managed to outright lose my driving glasses…sigh. I need to go to the optometrist and get new ones anyway, because the prescription is changing.
Meh. We might risk a drive to Pullman.
They’ve removed the breathing tube and given her a dose of morphine to relax her. It’s just a matter of time now….I am so sorry…
There are no words ::more hugs::
Mom passed away peacefully at 1:16PM, EDT, today, October 6, 2015 with Dad and all 4 of her surviving sons, plus two of her grandchildren, her sister and niece present. There will be no funeral, no viewing, no open casket (no casket at all), she will be cremated, and there will be a private graveside ceremony with only the family when we are all ready. This is in accordance with her request.
I can’t edit that last entry, it was today, October 6, 2015.
(Tell me, is there something about October 6 that brings tragedy? It was the day Frodo was stabbed on Weathertop, and IIRC, wasn’t it the day he left from the Grey Havens? It was my brother Pete’s anniversary, it was a former girlfriend’s birthday, and now, it’s Mom’s last day.)
Hugs, Joe: I’ll fix that date for you.
I’ve been through this, Jane has. We hurt for you, and with you, and all we can say is, we wish you the best. I can say I now have peaceful memories, funny memories, warm memories, but it takes a while; and the support of family and friends helps.
There is not a person in this life who truly understands exactly what you are going through. Each of us is so different, but for all of us, the death of a parent who has always existed as far as our memory can discern must shake the very structure of existence. We all sympathize, and know that the pain is not entirely bearable. Bereft means torn apart. We will be here to receive either your words or your silence, which ever you prefer to give us. Which charity are her honorariums to go to?
Thank you, Tommie. Mom never specified a charity. It’s not that she didn’t care, just that she didn’t want people to feel they had to do something for her in that way. It’s why she didn’t want a funeral, flowers, viewing, etc.
I don’t know how to explain it in a way that it doesn’t sound like ingratitude, but Mom just wasn’t the type of person who wanted any kind of honors after she’d gone, except for her family to remember her with love.
I agree with her.
In a word, “modesty”, the kind that counts!
Joe, my condolences. I’m so sorry it had to end this way for her.
Joe, it sounds like your mother had a lot of love in her life. I think that’s all any of us can hope for. Remember to take care of yourself, too.
I have an appointment with the funeral home this morning to provide “obituary” information for them to send to the hospital so the hospital can issue the death certificate. The funeral director asked me to provide some optional information about Mom so they could publish an obituary in the local paper. I really don’t believe Mom wanted an obituary, and I’m positive Dad doesn’t want to see one when he opens the paper. I have to abide by their wishes, and I will notify the director that if he wants to publish an obituary, it will be very minimal, just a note of her passing. He asked if he could publish a little more detail on their website, and I don’t think that will be too much of a problem, since my father doesn’t have a computer and probably won’t see it unless some unthinking person gives him a printed copy. I can ask the funeral home to see if there’s a way they can just keep this from happening, but I know how to copy and paste, or link to websites, or just print out a page, so I’m pretty sure others know how to do those things, too. I might just put my foot down and say, “No obituary information other than what I’ve provided for the death certificate.” It will depend on how much the funeral home can do in that way, too. One of the small complications is that Mom’s birth certificate says she was born on May 15, whereas her mother maintained that she was born on May 8. So, which one is correct? I’m pretty sure that my grandmother was present for the birth, and probably has a good idea of what the date happened to be. On the other hand, I seriously doubt that the Montgomery County (OH) Health Department was present at the birth, and even the attending physician, if there was one, might not have filed the birth report until a week later and might have put the wrong date on the form, putting the date that he filled out the form in the place where the date of birth would have been – an easy mistake to make, but I have to find out from the funeral director which date should go into the space on this form he asked me to complete. This is an example of what my father just doesn’t want to face right now, so in order to get the legal wheels rolling, I’m stepping in. He can’t transfer her checking account to the joint savings account, or any of the insurance, titles, etc., without a death certificate, and he can’t get a death certificate until this small paperwork gets finished. I seriously doubt he’ll be upset with me for doing this, but he’s not really in the frame of mind to do it, either.
If that’s what your Mom would have wanted, do the minimum legally required to finish the paperwork. If anyone tries to push you for something more elaborate, say “That’s not what Mom wanted,” and the Devil take the hindmost. It’s good you are looking out for your Dad; both of you have plenty on your plate right now, and anyone who is pushing for more is not being at all considerate.
Condolences to you and your family, Joe. I have been thinking of you over the past several days and waiting to come visit here at CJ’s Wave without a Shore until I had the proper time and focus to pay full attention to your words and experience.
On the “Real Birthdate” issue, my grandmother always said and believed she was born on May 5th but apparently the government believed it was the 6th, we found out when, essentially, enrolling her in Medicare-covered hospice. She was born at home and the doctor only arrived the next day, I gather.
May your mother rest in peace and you live in peace, with good and loving memories overcoming the deep pain of loss and loneliness.
The bureau of statistics wants the official one. The one line obit can be, “{Name Name Name nee Name} 8 April 19XX – 6 October 2015”.
Sincerest hugs and sympathy Joe. We’re all thinking of you.
Whatever your, or your mom’s, feelings about obits they do have the advantage of cutting down on some of the future inquiries “Hi, long time no see, How are your parents?” that can strike at random vulnerable moments. (I answer that one “still dead” if I’m feeling really nasty).
It has been also been my experience that all the death-related fooforall costs money and and you can minimize it by making it clear that no money will be forthcoming. Just hope that all the family stands behind you in the decision-making.
Last entry: We’re going to inter Mom’s ashes this afternoon. Very small gathering, my father, me, and two people from the funeral home to bring the urn.
I hope this gives some kind of closure to a sad episode.
Thank you all again for your condolences and messages. I sincerely appreciate them (and you!).